My Slack Statuses
I like to make fun (or sometimes just weird) references with my slack statuses. I get asked about them a lot. So I thought I'd publish them!
2022-12-05👣 I can't run, my feet are stapled!
2022-12-01🪥 has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association?
2022-10-31🎃 nothing but sincerity, as far as the eye can see!
2022-10-17🔥 friends around the campfire, and everybody's high
2022-08-09🐸 this toads the wet sprocket
2022-07-18🍕 Pizza Poppa always gets paid
2022-06-21👉 My fingers are like arrows!
2022-06-09🎨 Well, the paint needs to dry on my Buckaroo Banzai figurine...
2022-05-02🕳 Sudden Valley conjures up images of a sinkhole, no?
2022-04-19🌳 I have integrity; if you had been there then you'd agree
2022-03-29🔨 every 27th customer gets a ball peen hammer free
2022-03-21🙏 pray for the people inside your head, 'cause they won't be there when you're dead
2022-02-25👞 I've got my best shoes on, I'm ready to go
2022-02-14🕳 Maybe we should go back to digging straight down
2022-01-24🤠 in my head there's all these classic cars and outlaw cowboy bands
2022-01-10🐉 Hey, dragon! How do you feel about spicy taco toppings?
2022-01-03🧒 'cause if your mind don't move and your knees don't bend, don't go blaming the kids again
2021-11-24🦃 the whole world's thanking you - they're thanking us for thanking you
2021-11-17🗿 You should have left a tiny hint when you made this @#$%ing labyrinth of stone
2021-11-03⚾️ The Atlanta Braves have given you a championship!
2021-10-29🎹 Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
2021-10-25🛫 Negative, ghost rider - the pattern is full.
2021-10-14🔪 Yeah, yeah, the time knife - we've all seen it.
2021-09-30🤖 Robots need love too
2021-08-09The cosmic rage of astral dwarves from Aberdeen
2021-07-26🐝 not to put too fine a point on it, say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
2021-07-19🪰 is it overwhelming to use a crane to crush a fly?
2021-07-02🌎 lie back and let the planet dissolve around you
2021-06-09🍅 all the fanciest Dijon ketchups, mmm
2021-04-12🧔 so smooth you can hear the beard
2021-03-15🕳 I'm a digger of holes in a land of holes
2021-02-08🤖 One more robot learns to be something more than a machine
2021-02-01🐋 one day when the tonguin’ is done we’ll take our leave and go
2021-01-25peer 'round corners with dental mirrors
2021-01-13⭐️ Leave a 5-star review and I’ll leave you one, too
2021-01-04🍾 So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different
2020-12-21🧝♂️ So you're an elf, but you'd rather be a dentist.
2020-11-02🗳 Human happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected.
2020-10-02⏳ I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
2020-09-18🥋 There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes - but you can do Jiu Jitsu!
2020-06-09📣 We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.
2020-04-28🛌 Sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids
2020-04-16🖼 Hey, I told you to stay away from my magic frame!
2020-04-01🦮 What's the biggest dog you've ever seen, and why?
2020-03-17🥗 I made a salad with craisins!
2020-02-04👑 The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars
2020-01-13👶 Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
2019-12-17🧝♂️ There's a list for who's been naughty or nice, but consider the price for an elf!
2019-12-09🤖 The robot council had us banished to an asteroid, but that hasn't undermined our holiday cheer
2019-12-02☘️ Beware the Kilakilarney blade! Or didn't it slay the terrible shamrock-eating dragon of Belfast!
2019-11-27🦃 The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!
2019-11-13🐦 When the time is right, birds'll bite your face
2019-11-06🚢 Man... if I wanted to take tests, I would've been a boat captain.
2019-10-09🚑 All I need is a bouncy house, some ninja stars, and a bunch of ambulances.
2019-09-25😨 Lenny Bruce is not afraid
2019-08-14🔢 always the numbers but never the name
2019-07-29🔥 If you swallow the fuel, be not afraid of the fire
2019-07-19🇫🇷 Well pardon my French - but this is a gosh-dang mother-fudging sugar show!
2019-07-03🐃 Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
2019-05-22🕷 Me llamo T-bone, la arana discoteca
2019-04-11🛒 Now, if only we had a wheelbarrow! That would be something.
2019-03-27🔵 Awwwww Joe Miller! You just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a lucky lucky lucky little boy!
2019-02-26📦 A brown box, moth balls and bowling shoes
2019-02-06🚽 It smells like bathroom and orange chicken.
My flight attendant said this yesterday. I feel strangely great about not knowing what he was talking about.
2019-01-28📥 Productivity is what makes things fun. That's why people go to work.
2019-01-23🛋 We've got two hundred couches where you can sleep right
2019-01-18That and this, these and those - no one knows
2019-01-07📷 I dreamt of a camera, pointing out from inside the television
2018-12-18🎄 There's more of gravy than of grave about me
2018-12-05🛫 I'm trying to control an outbreak here and you're driving the monkey to the airport!
2018-11-12🎂 But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying 'til you run out of cake.
2018-10-16🍂 Isn't it beautiful the way the leaves die?
2018-09-21🐯 Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave coding to the machines and go play outside.
2018-09-13🔥 'Streets ahead' is verbal wildfire
2018-09-04🐵 Monkey, monkey, where you keep your crackers?
2018-08-23🇿🇦 It matters not how strait the gate
2018-08-21✈️ what a curious life we have found here tonight
2018-08-16🏦 how do you plan for a bank full of nuns?
2018-08-08🍬 creamlets and tobacco smoke
2018-08-04🐔 Uh-oh! Those are *night* chickens!
A kid's show my son was watching with some... interesting dialogue
2018-07-27🥩 Do I take this meat to grill just right? I do!
2018-07-25🥓 Scientists estimate that 70% of the world's disappointment comes from the use of turkey bacon.
2018-07-23🐞 Who would you rather be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?